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Tashi and the Monk A Documentary Film. So could you start by telling us who you are and how you came into the world? My name is Lobsang Phuntsok. I was born in Tawang district in the state of Arunachal Pradesh in the remote Indian Himalaya region. My childhood wasn’t really a normal kind of experience because I was born as an illegitimate son and my mum was really young. When my mother got pregnant it was really kind of disgraceful for her in the village, something not acceptable. The only way to cope with that was to really pretend I wasn’t born.

I was told that my grandparents didn’t know that she was pregnant. Then when she gave birth, actually in our toilet, we basically had a two story toilet, and she went to the bathroom and she gave birth and she basically had to throw me in the leaves that people store in their toilets - the dried leaves to cover the human waste. And she came in and my aunt and grandparents heard something crying. They thought a goat had got into their fields and was eating their crops. My aunt went out and heard something coming from our toilet. So when she went to check and saw something moving under the dry leaves she found a baby there and it was me. I had almost kind of totally turned into green purple - almost the end of my life.

So that was the way I was born. It wasn’t something that my birth brought happiness and joy into my family. That’s why when I was younger I was always called ‘the uninvited guest of this universe’.

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Normally, when you have a new baby, the family, friends and neighbours should celebrate. But my birth was not something to celebrate. I brought a lot of pain and embarrassment to my family. How was your childhood?

Honestly, I don’t have any good or pleasant experience, I should say, as a child. Sometimes I feel I would do anything to have a real experience of a pleasant childhood. I remember maybe a couple of times when I thought that it was better to end my life. People really didn’t like me. As a child, I would create problems, break people’s windows, or break their prayer flags. I particularly remember one incident where someone told me “You are not going to change. You are not going to get better”.

And it’s amazing that this kind of incident, or this kind of bad remark you remember so clearly. I don’t know why that really stuck in my mind. Today still I can see the place and I can feel it.

In this kind of situation, you need someone who can help you, someone who can trust you. Luckily, I had my grandparents who loved me when I was not lovable. When I was not trustworthy they trusted me.

Even today I feel it is because of their kindness I am alive. It wasn’t easy for them to have a difficult grandson who was basically doing so many things wrong. Somehow they saw that there is something inside me, a potential, or hope that I could change to a better human being.

My grandparents tried really hard to really help me to become a better person; at the same time, they were in a difficult situation thinking about my future. After a while they felt that there was only one chance that I would change - by going to the monastery. For a couple of reasons - they definitely wanted me to become a better person, a changed person and at the same time I could get at least the basic needs - accommodation, food and care. I remember my grandfather, he was a tough guy but so softhearted. He would normally not express his emotions or feelings.

He wasn’t really expressive. Watch Jack Irish: Bad Debts Dailymotion on this page. But when there is love, when there is care and compassion, you can often feel it; someone doesn’t really have to express it. So he counted the little money he had, and what my grandma had when I said, “Yes, I will go to South India and become a monk.” They used to count the money everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. He would give me some pocket money.

In my last week with them, he gave me something like two rupees, and said, “This is the last of the money” but the next day he would again give me another two rupees and say, “Hey, this is the last time”. The day before I left for South India, he stitched a kind of a sack out of a pair of his trousers, and he put a lot of money, I don’t remember how much, he put a lot of money in it, and printed my name on it, and he said, “Keep this always. It is kind of like my security money. Never use it unless you really need it.” I was so excited with so much money.

But I could not really relate to that, but later when I left my village, and reached South India, then I was able to connect with him emotionally and understood, “Wow! With so much trust and love, he gave this to me”. He asked me not to tell anybody that I had so much money. I remember how much he trusted me and he felt I was worthy of trust, and hoped that I would become a better human being some day. So at the age of 7 you left home for the monastery. What happened there?

Basically they were sending me to the monastery saying “Can you help free this boy from all the disturbing emotions, intense disturbing emotions he is going through?”. It’s sort of really sending to the mental hospital. The monastery, of course, had a very rigid schedule, and really very strict discipline. Everything was very formal there. It was difficult for me as a child.

But of course it started making more and more sense, and as a young monk my mind was somehow engaged and I didn’t have much time to think about negatives. Because I had to follow those schedules, policies, discipline, activities and things that we were supposed to do in a monastery.

It took me a while to get the confidence that I was getting better. I had bad attitudes to everything. And that continued for a long time. And I am not saying that I don’t have those kinds of challenges today! I don’t remember when exactly I started thinking positively, but there was one thing in my mind always, the confidence growing that I could do better, that I could become a better human being. I don’t know how exactly I got it.

Maybe the seed was planted by my grandparents. And when I got a better opportunity to get into such a big monastery with so many amazing people maybe that seed was watered by the other people’s love.

That seed was basically nurturing inside me. That was my early life as a young monk. One of the teachings that I received from my teacher is that: You are a tiny tiny part of the larger family in this universe. That means that I am only one person and there are billions and billions of not only human beings, but other sentient beings, creatures, animals, bugs and birds, anything.

I am only one member of this large family in this universe. It helped me to connect to other sentient beings through my own challenges and difficulties. And when I do that naturally my focus changes. It changes your focus and now you become part of a larger family. Instead of complaining and screaming about yourself, you naturally take this responsibility, you feel this responsibility of, “How can I contribute to my family, my larger family, to relieve them from their challenges?”.

I don’t want to sound like I am a great practitioner or a great follower of the Buddha. But one of his main messages when we talk about the four noble truths is to meditate on suffering and understand suffering. For me, I wasn’t ready but my childhood was about suffering, about all the challenges. Today whatever I am trying to do is to really share my own challenges with the young kids. Because most of them are going through very similar challenges that I had. And encouraging them that it is difficult but it doesn’t have to be negative.